Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
