Someone shit on the floor
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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