On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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