I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
