we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
