What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
