He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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