i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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