This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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