but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
