I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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