I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
