He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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