normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
