when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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