That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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