im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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