my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
