yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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