somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
