porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
