haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i need some magic done to my vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
