I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
