I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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