Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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