So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Someone signed my nipple.
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