i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
