Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
