I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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