problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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