I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
