Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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