And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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