: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
