Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
