If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
