I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
