Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
