It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize