Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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