Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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