you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
