Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
