a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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