Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
