i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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