So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
