nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
