Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
