she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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