Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
