My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
