i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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