When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
