Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
