I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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