My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
