thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
