Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
