Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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