obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize