on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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