You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
