So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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