Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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