Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
