Christians are straight up FREAKS
why didn't you poke me back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize