I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
