Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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