just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
