I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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