I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
