i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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