fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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