I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
