My friends, they love my intelligence
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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